Rebekah Staggs

I read a lot of magazines. The articles are perfect for short or long waits. Something I can pick up and put down and continue on with my day. Recently I read an article about homeschooling a large family. Ordinarily I would have skipped it as having an only child I glean very little from such articles. I don’t need to know how to keep the baby/toddler/pre-schooler busy while working with the kindergarten/first grader/older children. I have only the one to worry about.

 For whatever reason I started reading it and found it quite good. She talked about finding peace as a homeschooling mother, making things work, and being happy and thankful no matter your family size. Whether that be 1 or 10 children. She went on to acknowledge women she knew who have 1 child and would love to have more, but for whatever reason have not been blessed in that way. I thought wow, this is actually good stuff that applies to all homeschoolers.

She then spent the next page and half after that listing all the blessings and advantages of homeschooling and having a larger than usual family. That wouldn’t have been bad had she also included the other side, but she didn’t. So, here are just a few things that come to mind regarding homeschooling as well as family life with an only:

• Undivided attention 
• More parent child time
• Generally speaking more finances for textbooks, travel, or activities
• More time for activities
• Less chance for burnout when only divided by one
• Only 1 child to worry about when on a field trip
• No sibling rivalry or disagreements
• No comparisons of who did/does it better
• Knowing who broke the vase/ate that/or left that laying there

Those are just a few things off the top of my head. I’m not saying having an only child isn’t without its cons, but it does also have its pros. I wouldn’t have made the choice on my own, but since things are what they are I find what peace I can in it. I make it work. I am thankful for  having an only child and the advantages and blessings that come with that.

Seems everyone has an idea of how life in general works and is suppose to go. It amazes me the unsolicited advice given by well meaning people. Wither they know what is really going on or not. About subjects that quite frankly are private and none of  their business anyway. 

When we married young everyone assumed we must be pregnant why else get married? After we’d been married for a few years everyone told us we should be having babies by now. Once we were finally blessed with a child, and he was over a year old, everyone informed us he needed a sibling so he wouldn’t be an Only Child.

I’m still asked today when meeting new people if he is an Only Child. In that tone of voice like it is some sort of curse to be one. Must be because I’ve heard often enough how they had another child or where planning on another so (s)he wouldn’t be an Only Child! Sadder still is the assumption that we must be selfish for making him be an Only Child.

Apparently all Only Children  grow up spoiled and socially inept and everyone knows an Only Child who is just like that to prove it. I’m sure we’ve all heard someone dismiss bad behaviour saying, “Oh, (s)he’s an only child.” What about all the children with siblings who are spoiled, shy, sheltered, selfish, etc etc? Where is the, “Oh, he has all those siblings! No wonder he acts like that.” comments then?

Sharing a bedroom/genetics does not guarantee a close relationship. Having siblings does not guarantee a giving and selfless spirit. Having siblings does not guarantee a built in playmate. Having siblings does not guarantee better behavior. It doesn’t even guarantee, although increases the likelihood, of nieces or nephews.

Having siblings only guarantees just that. A brother or sister so long as you both live.

Before you dismiss behavior and character as a result of the number of children in a family consider the parenting and personality of the person and not the number of siblings they have. And before you inform someone that they need to start or grow their family think about all the things you might not know about the situation… 

 A few links to related articles and resources.

http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/unsolicited-comments-about-your-family-p A funny, if sadly accurate, flow chart of how people assume your life should go.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2001/marapr/10.66.html An article on Secondary infertility and how the “Is (s)he your Only Child?” question can sting.
http://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/SN01.htm Only Child myths and facts

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/HSBCompanyBlog/227509/ Homeschooling Only One – Common Fallacies
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content2/only.child.html Some interesting statistics regarding the Only Child. .
http://www.onlychild.com/home.html A good resource for parenting an Only
http://www.helium.com/tm/66556/children-centered-selfish-oudated I love the last line in this article.