Rebekah Staggs

I was doing my devotional today and this really jumped out at me:

Proverbs 4:23-27 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” The heart is the source from which our thoughts, choices, actions spring forth from. All issues of life begin in the heart. They continue through thought and what we choose to say and see. Thoughts direct our footsteps and become actions. Our actions in life have consequences both good and bad. We are known by our fruits. (Matt 7:17-20) All consequences from actions taken begin in the heart.

Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

So often I’ve heard it said of men and women in a bad situation, “S/He has a good heart.” or “His/her heart is in the right place.” Wrong! That is just a poor excuse trying to excuse poor behavior. We are born with an evil sin nature. We are responsible to try to subdue it. Being in a sinful situation is the result of failure to subdue the heart and our sin nature.

Luke 6:45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

How can one who is surrounded by the continual consequences of choices and actions that are sinful have a good heart?

Ezekiel 33:31-32 And they come unto thee as the people cometh, and they sit before thee as my people, and they hear thy words, but they will not do them: for with their mouth they shew much love, but their heart goeth after their covetousness. And, lo, thou art unto them as a very lovely song of one that hath a pleasant voice, and can play well on an instrument: for they hear thy words, but they do them not.

They hear, but they do not do. With their mouth they show love, but their heart goes after covetousness. They say all the right things, but do them not. While it might look and sound on the outside that their “heart is in the right place” the fruit and consequences for actions prove it to be superficial and to go no more than skin deep.

Keep thy heart with all diligence.

We’ve recently meet several new groups of people. While I like people I also feel drained after being around people for any length of time. Over the years I’ve learned to not enjoy social occasions, the “harmless” chit chat,  because inevitably the questions come. Are you married? How long have you been married? Do you have children? How old is your son? Do you have other children? Don’t you want more children? Why don’t you just adopt? You don’t want him to be an “only child” do you? What is wrong with you?

After the questions comes the time of unsolicited advice: You better get started on having kids. You’re not getting any younger you know. He needs a sibling. If you just x,y, or z you’ll get pregnant. Adopt and you’ll get pregnant just you wait and see. Better not do that IVF stuff or you’ll have a litter like that lady did. Those are just some of the nicer actual comments I’ve gotten over the last decade and a half. I won’t sully my blog with some of the more intrusive, accusatory, and other wise ignorant comments I have received.

In recent years the question is not as painful a subject as it was early on with empty arms. Or, in the later years with our blessed miracle the reminder of things we were fully aware of. It is not as difficult as it was after we decided not to adopt. It is not as heart wrenching as it was to hear the year after our long awaited second miracle was born to heaven. Over the years I’ve learned, for the most part, to ignore the less than helpful advice of the uninformed and blissfully naive. A certain amount of healing does come with time.

While it isn’t voiced as often I see the questions in their eyes. The wondering. It’s always obvious that we have the only “Only Child” in the group. It’s not that he is all that different from the other kids. Maybe he cringes a little at the loudness and bustling of so many children/siblings all together, but he is no more or less bossy, selfish, giving, caring, playful, you name it than any of the other kids in the group. No, he stands out because for our 17 years of being married he is the only child they see when they look at our family.

With time it is now assumed that we planned things that way and the questions and opinions come less often. My child is almost 12 years old and while it is no longer is the first question I am asked upon meeting new people, it is still on occasion asked. While the wound is mostly healed I still wait for the shoe to drop. To meet someone curious enough to give voice to the questions once more. To have that moment where I hesitate and wonder how to reply when I am asked, “Is he your only child?”