Rebekah Staggs

Between my broken upper oven, slowly dieing lower oven, current aversion to raw meat, and just not feeling up to the back breaking labor of putting out the full Thanksgiving Spread this year I gave in. For the first time in the 17 Thanksgivings we’ve been together I bought everything pre-made.

When we first got married we lived near family and we spread the work out among the family members and meals moved from one sibling’s house to another’s. We haven’t bought a can of Cranberry Relish in twelve years since I first made it fresh. It’s been at least seven years since we moved and I starting making the whole spread myself. Usually taking two days of on my feet prep, cooking, and baking.

This year’s spread was pretty good.  Curtesy of Sam’s Club and Walmart. The only work I had to do was open boxes and move pans in and out of the oven. Thankfully while my lower oven doesn’t work well for baking/cooking it works well enough for heating things up. I spent yesterday with my family playing games, watching TV, and otherwise just resting and taking it easy. Today my family helped in the kitchen, we’re playing more games, we plan on watching the Football game together, and otherwise just hanging out and taking it easy.

It has been a very memorable Thanksgiving and sometimes store bought and not from scratch isn’t a bad thing. This year with so much to be thankful for it hit home that it’s not about the food, but about the memories we make around the table. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Genesis 25:21  And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.

1 Peter 3:7  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Psalms 112:1  Praise ye the LORD. Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in his commandments.

Proverbs 20:6  Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?

1 Corinthians 7:32-33 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

Genesis 2:23-24 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

• We honor each other.
• We respect each  other.
•  We support each other.
• We encourage each other.
• We stand by each other.
• We give ourselves to the other with our whole heart, love in action, and body.
• We each become a complete individual through our relationship with God.

I picked up a copy of a magazine I  usually read and it was the “Wedding” issue. Anyone who knows me very well knows I lack the gene that drives women to drool over gowns, rings, and bouquets. My eyes start to glaze over and I usually end up heading over to where the guys are because games, guns, politics, ANYTHING, is of more interest to me than what color the sashes and shoes were. Don’t get me wrong despite my gun-tottin’ board breaking ways I can be very feminine. I am a loving wife and mother. I like to cook, and organize, and do crafts, and otherwise make my house into a cozy home where those in it feel loved and cherished.

It’s not that I don’t think highly of marriage. On the contrary I think Marriage is wonderful and good. I’ve been married for almost seventeen years to my best friend. Not only are we just as head over heels in love as we were seventeen years ago, but it’s strengthened with the wisdom and experience that come with time and overcoming hardships. Being married and sharing my life with the handsome and wonderful man I fell in love with was what was important to me. The wedding was just the first step towards that life together. To me it was something to get over with so the more important parts of my life could start…not the culmination of all my hopes and dreams of my life to that point.

It’s the whole Wedding thing that gets to me. The time waiting. The expense. The fights. The parties. The foods. The give me gifts. The have to make everyone happy. The mothers. The can’t forget to invite so and so. The importance put upon the material items of the day. The perfect day for the bride. What about what the groom wants and needs? Is it a wedding of two people joining their lives together or just another party for her? It’s all about pleasing the bride and making her day as close to some fantasy she has had since she was 5 yeas old.

Perhaps my jaded view comes from time and again seeing so  much blood, sweat, and tears go into a beautiful wedding ceremony and day…only to have the marriage fall apart before they even finished paying for their “perfect day.” If they had put half the time, money, and thought into building the life that comes after the vows and party are over maybe they would still be married…

Maybe at the end of the day it all just comes down to the clothing.  I wouldn’t be caught dead in pink or pastels. White makes me look yellowish. Strapless gowns make me look extremely top heavy. Sequins add bulk. Silk is expensive. Formal Wear is restrictive, uncomfortable, and makes carrying a gun difficult.

Nope, I’m not big on weddings. Marriages I love. Just for the record we got married just two weeks after we got engaged. We were married wearing jeans and T-Shirts, in a courthouse, by the Justice of the Peace. Quick. Simple. No stress. Inexpensive. Easy. No need for frills or extras. Just us and anyone that wanted to show up. We started off our lives happy with each other and without a big debt hanging over our heads for a day we both remember fondly.

You know when I mention that my husband works from home I’ve had comments ranging from, “That must be so nice to have him around all the time.” to (usually from young wives just starting down the road of a work at home husband)  “How do you stand having him around all the time?”  

It wasn’t always easy. When we switched from part time “day job” and part time home business, to full time home business I’ll admit it had some moments. A few tips I’ve learned over the years that have made things easier.

Home, but not really home:
It is a hard adjustment to make the switch to working from home. When a husband works at an outside office and comes home he is home and hopefully work is left at work. When he works from home he *IS* home all the time, but he is working a big portion of it. So while I can ask for help if I really need it, the idea is to act during the day as if he is off at a job. Because, he *IS* at his job. This helps *HIM* to make the mental switch that he is working, even though he is home. Sometimes the switch between work is done and I’m home now gets a little blended, but that happens with a lot of outside jobs as well.

When the muse strikes:
Being married to a programmer is a little like I’d imagine being married to an artist would be like. When the muse strikes and they are in the zone GET OUT OF THE WAY! I’ve spoken with several other wives (Husbands in the same business) and I think it must be something in the hard wiring of our men. Maybe it is part of what makes them good programmers. Whatever it is when they are working on a problem it is best to just let them take care of it. After a frenzy of programming usually comes some quiet relaxing time. Sometimes food, drink (coffee/caffeine seems to be a driving force behind a lot of coding.), and the occasional reminder of other responsibilities is in order… otherwise it is best to just let the streak run it’s course.

Organization:
Yes, I’m big on organization. I am a homemaker, we run a home business and my husband works from home all day, and we home-school. That is a lot of time for all of us to be at home. Keeping things orderly and running well makes for better use of time and less stress. It is difficult to get work done if you are living in chaos and have a long list of things that are nagging at your mind.

A day out:
Never underestimate the power of a day out. Being homebodies is a good thing. Too much of a good thing is sometimes not a good thing. Make good use of a day outside of the house. Take yourself/pack up the kids and leave the house for most of the day. Go watch a movie, walk the mall, go to a park, go to the zoo, go somewhere and do something. This makes for a good day for work in an empty house or even just enjoying the house with peace and quiet. And of course sometimes switching places can be nice for HIM to get out and clear his mind.

The perk of single-minded programmer types:
When they switch from coding to courting it can be quite nice to have all that single minded attention roll back to you.  😉