Rebekah Staggs

Or a more eloquent way of saying the same thing:

Wives should manifest such a character as to be worthy of love. They
owe this to their husbands. They demand the confidence and affection of man;
and they should show that they are worthy of that confidence and affection.

It is not possible to love that which is unlovely, nor to force affection where it is
undeserved; and, as a wife expects that a husband will love her more than he
does any other earthly being, it is but right that she should evince such a spirit as
shall make that proper.

A wife may easily alienate the affections of her partner
in life. If she is irritable and fault-finding; if none of his ways please her; if she
takes no interest in his plans, and in what he does; if she forsakes her home
when she should be there, and seeks happiness abroad; or, if at home, she never
greets him with a smile; if she is wasteful of his earnings, and extravagant in her
habits, it will be impossible to prevent the effects of such a course of life on his
mind.

And when a wife perceives the slightest evidence of alienated affection in
her husband, she should inquire at once whether she has not given occasion for
it, and exhibited such a spirit as tended inevitably to produce such a result.

– Barnes

1 Corinthians 11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man

We are the GLORY of our husbands. All that we are, do, and say reflects upon them. Think about that for a moment. Forget about making sure he is doing his “job” he has his own glory to reflect. Worry about your own job. How is your husband’s glory looking?

Pr 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
Pr 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Pr 9:13 A foolish woman [is] clamorous: [she is] simple, and knoweth nothing.
Pr 11:22 [As] a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, [so is] a fair woman which is without discretion.
Pr 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Pr 19:13 A foolish son [is] the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife [are] a continual dropping.
Pr 21:9 [It is] better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Pr 21:19 [It is] better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

We have the power to make him ashamed. We have the power to tear down our homes. We can be foolish, clamorous, loud, simple, knowing nothing, and without discretion. Causing our husbands to want to live in a corner of housetop, or in the wilderness, rather than with us.

How many men do you know that do just that to get away from their nagging wife? How many women do you know that are contentious and a continual dropping that you’d love to get away from?

Proverbs 31:10-12 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:26-28 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Or we can be a crown to him. We can build up our homes. We can be a prudent wife from the LORD. A Proverbs 31 Woman. A virtuous woman worth more than rubies. One who has the trust of her husband’s heart. Who will do him good and not evil all her days. One who speaks with wisdom and kindness. Who looks to her own house. One with children that call her blessed. One who’s husband calls her blessed and praises her!

How many men do you know that do that? How many women do you know that are worthy of that?

How can we bring glory to our husbands?

Conversation: What we say about and in front of our husbands counts. Praise him to your friends. Don’t put him down and reveal his faults. Don’t slander him, even if it is true. Do and say things that build him up instead of tearing him down and putting a wedge between the two of you. Make your commitment to him and the marriage covenant obvious.

Organize: Your home, your time, your life. When you are organized about your home, meals, and lifestyle you waste less time in accomplishing goals. Spend your time wisely. Are you doing things that glorify your husband? Do they take time away from him? How does he feel about them? As you fulfill your responsibilities your husband is free to fill his. Give yourself the time and ability to save some energy just for him. Pray for him. Encourage him. Put him first! Yes, over your children, extended family, work, Ladies Bible Study and other obligations. Make your commitment to him and the marriage covenant obvious.

Discretion: When your husband sins, again don’t take it to your friends, tell him privately. In a submissive and gentle way. Don’t hold on to it only to pull it out again later and bash him over the head with it every time you disagree. Don’t air his laundry for all the world. Make your commitment to him and the marriage covenant obvious.

Remember just as God is glorified when man obeys Him, out  husbands are glorified when we obey them…

The phrase “The glory of” has caught my attention lately and got me to thinking.

1. In the end all things pass through man to bring glory to God.
2. We don’t have a lot of control over growing our own glory.

Proverbs 17:6 Children’s children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

Children are born into the glory of their father’s reputation. Granted this isn’t that big of a deal these days with unwed/single mothers and all, but this used to mean something. That is why so many surnames mean “Son of” some progenitor’s name or what he did.

Proverbs 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the gray head.

This one is interesting because you can do a lot to build your strength, but there are things that can steal that strength away from you. In the end that strength fades as we age.

Psalms 19:1 To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David. The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.

There are a lot of verses talking about the glory of God.

1 Corinthians 11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man

 Man is just one of them and woman is the glory of man. What awesome responsibilities this image represents.

1 Corinthians 11:15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.
Our glory is our long hair.

And our glory is in our long hair…

The more I am around (the majority of) women the more I prefer the company of men. What do I mean by that? Most men. Those that have not been feminized by public schools, psychology, medication, overbearing mothers or controlling wives:  

They say what they mean and mean what they say.
They don’t drop hints or expect you to read their minds. They say what they expect or want.
They don’t read extra meaning into the words you say. They accept them at face value.
They don’t get upset or offended just because someone holds a view contrary to their own. They don’t get angry just because you defend that view to them.
They don’t walk into a room, look every man over, and make sure they are the better dressed and better looking male in the room…and if they aren’t make sure their wife never leaves their side.
As far as I know, and I’ve been the only female in the group a lot of times, they don’t sit around eating chocolate and bashing the women in their lives.

And when you ask them if something is wrong and they say, “Nothing.” They really mean NOTHING is wrong…

Women on the other hand:
Say things they really don’t mean. To be nice or mean.
They drop hints or expect men to read their minds. Then get upset when they do/get the wrong thing.
They read “hidden” agendas and remarks into anything and everything.
Get very offended if someone thinks things other than they do because that has to mean they think they are doing wrong. (Notice a trend of circular thinking here?) 
They walk into a room and size up the competition.
I have never understood the habit of bonding over husband/men-in-general bashing that women do…

And when you ask a them if something is wrong and they say, “Nothing.” you had better be prepared to do some major grovelling or sleep in the dog house…

Now I am a woman and I’m not saying I’m perfect at avoiding these female tendencies or that men are without faults, but men are much more enjoyable for me to deal with. I know where I stand with them. I never know where I stand with another woman. And that can change from moment to moment anyway…

I find most women don’t like me. If you’ve read this far you’re probably thinking did you expect them to?

I could care less about fashion, weddings, jewelry, and who is dating whom.
I share interests with men that upset many of them: Computers, games, cars, guns, knives, and Sci-Fi.

And probably the main one that tends to be the kicker is I am a Biblical wife. (See th end of my post for a listing of verses.) My husband is the head of our home. It is my duty to honour, respect, obey, and love my husband. His word is law and final in our home. I believe this to be our God given role and I perform my duty willingly to the utmost of my ability. For some reason this seems to irritate, irk, offend and make many women quite hostile to me.

A lot of wives want their husbands to love them. Work. Provide. Care. Share. Give of themselves like they are called to do. However when it comes to that submission thing…any excuse will do.

 Our Duty as Christian wives to our husbands.

To love and obey them:
Titus 2:4-5  That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

To reverence them: 
Ephesians 5:33  Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

To be subject unto them:
Ephesians 5:22-23  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Colossians 3:18-19  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

1 Peter 3:1-2  Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

We were going out to dinner the other night and saw a group of young women wearing shirts that said: Love, Luck, Health & Wealth. They were having a bridal shower. Never mind the irony of Health handing Luck a cigarette. It got me to thinking…This is what marriage is about these days? It is no wonder we have a divorce rate as high as we do.

Love? Love is a feeling that is largely dictated by your actions. Lust is what most people these days mean when they say “We’re in Love.” Where is the commitment? To making it work even when you’re having one of those not so loving seasons? It reminds me of someone I knew who vowed “So long as we both shall Love.” When they weren’t feeling it anymore they stopped being married and moved on to the next Love…

Luck? I’ve never liked the word luck because it implies things just happen. I’ve been told so often how lucky I am to have a well behaved child. To have a good husband. So on and so forth on so many things. Yes, I have been blessed by God with a wonderful son and husband. I don’t consider that luck. God was gracious in his providing and plan.  But it has also taken WORK. I am blessed with my son for the miracle he is. The good behavior doesn’t just happen. It comes from consistency, from both of us, in teaching good manners.  I was blessed with finding  a man of good character whom I married and he makes a wonderful husband. Together we work on having a good marriage. Luck is for rolling the dice in board games not in choosing a mate, making a marriage work, or the behavior of a child.

Health? I suppose I can see wishing someone good health, but it is “In Sickness and in Health” that we take a spouse for. We want to be healthy. Which takes work. What we eat and how we spend our time has an effect on our health.  Sometimes you learn and bond more through the times of Sickness than of Health. In addition Sickness can often be a way of showing how God works miracles in our lives.  

Wealth? I’m sure most of us could use a bit more $ to get by… but Wealth? I’ve seen the rich. I don’t want that. Shelter, food, clothing, are meeting needs. Wealth is something else altogether. But you know, meeting your needs and being good stewards with what you are given is also work and again not just something that happens to you. Getting to a good place financially takes discipline, WORK, perseverance, and denying yourself. You might not like your job, but you have to work to keep the lights on, food on the table, a roof over your head and shoes on your feet. Unless you have a rich relative Wealth is not something that generally just happens.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is things don’t just happen you have to Work to make them Happen. Marriage is NOT something to be entered into lightly thinking things will be all roses and warm fluffy clouds. In Love, Luck, Health & Wealth there are aspects of your own personal work and sacrifice that goes into making it Good.

I’ll leave you with what I always tell any couple that is getting married:

Ralph Waldo Emerson in a journal entry writes:

Love is temporary and ends with marriage. Marriage is the perfection which love aimed at, ignorant of what it sought. Marriage is a good known only to the parties, — a relation of perfect understanding, aid, contentment, possession of themselves and of the world, — which dwarfs love to green fruit.

They never understand it and say, “Haha love ends at marriage.” but to the few who work, and grow, and ripen to the point where they get it they understand that Marriage is so much more and better than mere Love…