Rebekah Staggs

I picked up a copy of a magazine I  usually read and it was the “Wedding” issue. Anyone who knows me very well knows I lack the gene that drives women to drool over gowns, rings, and bouquets. My eyes start to glaze over and I usually end up heading over to where the guys are because games, guns, politics, ANYTHING, is of more interest to me than what color the sashes and shoes were. Don’t get me wrong despite my gun-tottin’ board breaking ways I can be very feminine. I am a loving wife and mother. I like to cook, and organize, and do crafts, and otherwise make my house into a cozy home where those in it feel loved and cherished.

It’s not that I don’t think highly of marriage. On the contrary I think Marriage is wonderful and good. I’ve been married for almost seventeen years to my best friend. Not only are we just as head over heels in love as we were seventeen years ago, but it’s strengthened with the wisdom and experience that come with time and overcoming hardships. Being married and sharing my life with the handsome and wonderful man I fell in love with was what was important to me. The wedding was just the first step towards that life together. To me it was something to get over with so the more important parts of my life could start…not the culmination of all my hopes and dreams of my life to that point.

It’s the whole Wedding thing that gets to me. The time waiting. The expense. The fights. The parties. The foods. The give me gifts. The have to make everyone happy. The mothers. The can’t forget to invite so and so. The importance put upon the material items of the day. The perfect day for the bride. What about what the groom wants and needs? Is it a wedding of two people joining their lives together or just another party for her? It’s all about pleasing the bride and making her day as close to some fantasy she has had since she was 5 yeas old.

Perhaps my jaded view comes from time and again seeing so  much blood, sweat, and tears go into a beautiful wedding ceremony and day…only to have the marriage fall apart before they even finished paying for their “perfect day.” If they had put half the time, money, and thought into building the life that comes after the vows and party are over maybe they would still be married…

Maybe at the end of the day it all just comes down to the clothing.  I wouldn’t be caught dead in pink or pastels. White makes me look yellowish. Strapless gowns make me look extremely top heavy. Sequins add bulk. Silk is expensive. Formal Wear is restrictive, uncomfortable, and makes carrying a gun difficult.

Nope, I’m not big on weddings. Marriages I love. Just for the record we got married just two weeks after we got engaged. We were married wearing jeans and T-Shirts, in a courthouse, by the Justice of the Peace. Quick. Simple. No stress. Inexpensive. Easy. No need for frills or extras. Just us and anyone that wanted to show up. We started off our lives happy with each other and without a big debt hanging over our heads for a day we both remember fondly.

I recently red a blog about wearing dish gloves: http://www.fruitofherhands.com/2011/02/12/dish-gloves/ The author talked about her dry, chapped, and bleeding hands. About how wearing dish gloves and applying lotion has improved their condition. It reminded me of our lives and how God works in our lives.

When we try to live our lives with out God we become:
Dry
Chapped
Hardened
Calloused
Dirt gets stuck under our nails
Sometimes we are so broken we bleed

When we allow God to work in our lives. When we Pray. When we read the Bible. When we Worship. When we look to Him to be our protection and Balm we can withstand:
The hottest waters
The soap of coming clean from
The dirt and grime of life

We have a protective layer, a shield, between us and the particles of the world. We have the balm of His love, and word, to comfort and soothe us. Just as we put on our dish/garden gloves to protect our hands before performing these tasks, we should prepare ourselves for our daily lives by looking to Him to be our shield and our comfort.

Ephesians 6:16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

2 Corinthians 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

We’ve got snow on the ground, and snow in piles, and even more snow coming down. We’ve had an ice and snow storm, a blizzard, more snow, and it is snowing again. I’m not sure at this point how many inches we’ve gotten. I just know that during the blizzard we had record breaking amounts of snow and we keep adding to the record. I have never seen so much snow in my life! Honestly? It doesn’t bother me much.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t LIKE being cold or shoveling off the driveway. It’s not that bad and things could be a lot worse. I have food. I have shelter. I am warm. I am safe. The electricity is still on! I have a 4-wheel drive SUV that has done wonderfully well in the snow and ice. I am home with the two people I love most in the world. How can I be unhappy or complain about that?

Since we Home-school we are still getting school done. We are still on track for finishing up early. Our home business has had a couple of off days due to snow being piled too high to get mail in or out, but we’re still getting things done. We have the Internet, and phones, and games, and computers, and electricity, and heat, and hot running water. We are sitting in the lap of luxury. We are together.

I keep thinking about our fore fathers long ago and winters like this. With snow and blizzards. Living in a log cabin. A small wood stove to heat the house. Mother, Father, children, grand-children all together. No modern conveniences. No outside interaction. How did they survive? What did they do? They read books by far less light than we have today. They played games together. Told stories. Ate simply. Lived simply.

Turn on the radio and it won’t take long until you hear people complaining that they haven’t been out of the house in days. That their kids are driving them crazy. What everyone is doing wrong about the snow. A lot of life is how you view a situation. I am choosing to view the snow as a Blessing: A time of rest, relaxation, and renewal. Later is time enough to shovel off my drive way. Tomorrow is time enough to reconnect with the outside world and the daily grind of life. For today as the snow falls we’ll do a little school, play some games, bake a cake, take some pictures, identify some birds, eat some yummy foods, and enjoy the blessing of being able to be together under the same roof with no outside demands on our time. Bring on the snow!

I enjoy our evenings. I mean I REALLY enjoy our evenings. We don’t do anything particularly special on our evenings: We cook. We eat at a table as a family. We talk. We play games. We read. We watch TV. We relax. Our evenings are not filled with hustle and bustle. They are spent together hanging out. I cherish the time and don’t give it up easily.

We used to be the average American family. Our evenings were filled with things. We did school and work during the day and the extras in the evenings. We ate, and came home, and slept, and did it all again the next day with something different. Some evenings we even went our separate ways to do all the extra curricular activities we were in.

A few years back we stopped. We did nothing. I came to cherish the stillness and togetherness. Now we do one activity on a weekly basis. During the day. We float and rotate other activities on a non-stressful loose schedule. All during the day. We thought long and hard about adding to our activity and a couple of nights a month we give up an evening to our one activity.

I am always hesitant to add anything to our schedule. We enjoy doing things, but still have a lot of free time to let ourselves unwind and be creative. I don’t want to go back to the hustle and bustle of rarely (Or never.) having an evening home. Everything seems to be during the evenings. You can have something every evening and never be home except to sleep! Evening service at church, Scouts, karate, church again, music, dance, date night, friends night, kids’ night, movie night, on and on till there are no evenings left in a week or a month. Next thing you know years have flown by.

Yes, we miss out on certain things, but I believe the benefits of not burning the candle at both ends are worth it. We are not usually stressed about our activities. We are generally on time to the things we attend . We get the things we say will do done. We keep up with our schooling. Our home is usually clean…or at least organized. We eat most of our meals at our kitchen table at home. Best of all we spend large quantities of time relaxing at home as a family.

It’s a balance we have found that works in our lives and we cherish our evenings. What do you with with your evenings? How much time are you actually spending together?

My husband, my son, and myself were out doing errands. It was lunch time and we were sitting down at Panda Express enjoying a meal together. My son had finished almost all of his work for the day. It was our first week back to school and  after a two week winter/holiday break I was feeling the “first week back blues.” 

As I was sitting there, enjoying my chicken and veggies, and thinking how much I enjoyed our school break. Even though I was sick for half of the break. I had a wonderful time not doing the school thing. Not having any set time we had to do things or go places. We played games, watched TV, read books, cooked, talked, and just had a wonderful relaxed time. I ENJOYED being around my son and having all the extra time since we were NOT going to practices or studying anything in particular. Just hanging out.

As I sat there missing the more relaxed, unscheduled, couple of weeks of just hanging out with my son I heard the woman at the table next to me say, “I am so glad school started yesterday. I couldn’t stand being around my kids any longer!” How sad for her, how sad for her children.

Counting down the days till our next break when I can once more enjoy an abundance of unscheduled free time with my child!