Rebekah Staggs

I admit I was reluctant to watch this movie. I was warned there was an infertility theme so I stuck it in on the bottom of my queue and didn’t think about it until it finally came in the mail. I am not really much of a “chick flick” kinda gal, but I am a foodie so I thought I’d give it a try once it came in. I had ignored posts or blogs about the movie until after I watched it so as not to color my view of watching it.

Overall it was an enjoyable movie. The food and the cooking were fun. Meryl Streep portrays Julia to a T! I also liked how they portrayed the relationship between Julia Childs and her husband. You don’t see a lot of loving, supportive, and obviously still sensual relationships between married couples on the screen these days. Much less an older couple that has been married for a lot of years. I found Julie to be a bit much at times, but her husband came across as overly supportive and understanding.

As for the infertility theme I totally missed the first scene where they reference infertility. Apparently they are sitting on a bench in the park and there is a wistful look of longing at a baby stroller? I remember them on the bench, but must have blinked and missed the look or something.

In the other scene it has been maybe 15 years or more since Julia got married. Her sister (in her late thirties/early forties?) gets married and as a newlywed writes to tell Julia she is pregnant. Julia has a moment of shock. Starts sobbing while saying, “I’m so happy.” Her husband looks at her and pulls her into his arms. End of scene. It took maybe a minute for the whole thing to play out with very little dialogue. What amazes me is the wealth of difference everyone seems to read into this scene.

Just some of the things I found that people said about the scene:
It was a tense family situation where Julia is sad for herself because she can’t have children. 
She is envious and bitter about her sister’s pregnancy.
The people in the movie theater laughed during the scene. 
It had all the complex and conflicting emotions someone feels when a loved one has what you won’t.
Resentment, joy, grief, resignation quickly played out in that brief scene.

The one thing I found was that you could tell a lot about the writer by what they saw in that moment. Each wrote what their own feelings would be in the same situation. Those who have never been touched by infertility saw a bitter woman who really wasn’t happy for her sister. Or who maybe was happy, but overcome by her own inability and loss.

Those in the midst of their own struggles saw what they deal with on a daily basis. The happy joy for a loved one co-mingled with the brief moments of ugly that come at first and then you fight back down with the better part of your nature.

Those nearer the end of their journey, and closer to peace, saw the reminder of things past or lost mixed in with the joy and happiness for a loved one.

Of her own infertility, from Julia’s book, “My Life in France.” (Which I have not read, but found some excepts from.) She writes, 

“We had tried. But for some reason our efforts didn’t take. It was sad, but we didn’t spend too much time thinking about it and never considered adoption. It was just one of those things. We were living very full lives.”

I wonder if she really considered it “just one of those things” at the time she was going through it? Or,  if this is just how she views it looking back 50 years after the fact? Either way I think the infertile world can find comfort in the words of a 90 year old woman who never had children.  Who led a full life. Who had a loving marriage. And at the end of it all infertility was just one of those things in her life. I, for one, find comfort in that.

I’ll close with something I read recently (It had nothing to do with babies or infertility.) that really summed it up for  me. That Place of Peace and Acceptance we all as infertiles strive for and beat down the ugly parts of our natures to get to:

It said a great deal for her that she watched him without an excess of envy. Yearning, yes, and maybe a little sadness.

Not only is it a long journey, no matter what you strive for, to get to the point of sadness and yearning without bitterness and envy. But, it takes someone who has also walked a difficult path to recognize the difference between the two.

It has been a long time since I sat at my computer and blogged much. With the start of a new year, and new beginnings, I hope to blog more often. You’ll notice a whole new look. I have trimmed away a lot of my old blog posts and reorganized things.

I still have a wide variety of interests and a lot of my posts will fall under Ramblings (or rants) on various topics.
Range will cover my growing interest in guns, shooting, and concealed carry.
Recipes will be a way to share new foods and recipes I have tried.
And Reviews will be a place to talk about movies, games, holsters, and whatever I have an opinion about.

Have fun and Happy 2011!

You know when I mention that my husband works from home I’ve had comments ranging from, “That must be so nice to have him around all the time.” to (usually from young wives just starting down the road of a work at home husband)  “How do you stand having him around all the time?”  

It wasn’t always easy. When we switched from part time “day job” and part time home business, to full time home business I’ll admit it had some moments. A few tips I’ve learned over the years that have made things easier.

Home, but not really home:
It is a hard adjustment to make the switch to working from home. When a husband works at an outside office and comes home he is home and hopefully work is left at work. When he works from home he *IS* home all the time, but he is working a big portion of it. So while I can ask for help if I really need it, the idea is to act during the day as if he is off at a job. Because, he *IS* at his job. This helps *HIM* to make the mental switch that he is working, even though he is home. Sometimes the switch between work is done and I’m home now gets a little blended, but that happens with a lot of outside jobs as well.

When the muse strikes:
Being married to a programmer is a little like I’d imagine being married to an artist would be like. When the muse strikes and they are in the zone GET OUT OF THE WAY! I’ve spoken with several other wives (Husbands in the same business) and I think it must be something in the hard wiring of our men. Maybe it is part of what makes them good programmers. Whatever it is when they are working on a problem it is best to just let them take care of it. After a frenzy of programming usually comes some quiet relaxing time. Sometimes food, drink (coffee/caffeine seems to be a driving force behind a lot of coding.), and the occasional reminder of other responsibilities is in order… otherwise it is best to just let the streak run it’s course.

Organization:
Yes, I’m big on organization. I am a homemaker, we run a home business and my husband works from home all day, and we home-school. That is a lot of time for all of us to be at home. Keeping things orderly and running well makes for better use of time and less stress. It is difficult to get work done if you are living in chaos and have a long list of things that are nagging at your mind.

A day out:
Never underestimate the power of a day out. Being homebodies is a good thing. Too much of a good thing is sometimes not a good thing. Make good use of a day outside of the house. Take yourself/pack up the kids and leave the house for most of the day. Go watch a movie, walk the mall, go to a park, go to the zoo, go somewhere and do something. This makes for a good day for work in an empty house or even just enjoying the house with peace and quiet. And of course sometimes switching places can be nice for HIM to get out and clear his mind.

The perk of single-minded programmer types:
When they switch from coding to courting it can be quite nice to have all that single minded attention roll back to you.  😉

Or a more eloquent way of saying the same thing:

Wives should manifest such a character as to be worthy of love. They
owe this to their husbands. They demand the confidence and affection of man;
and they should show that they are worthy of that confidence and affection.

It is not possible to love that which is unlovely, nor to force affection where it is
undeserved; and, as a wife expects that a husband will love her more than he
does any other earthly being, it is but right that she should evince such a spirit as
shall make that proper.

A wife may easily alienate the affections of her partner
in life. If she is irritable and fault-finding; if none of his ways please her; if she
takes no interest in his plans, and in what he does; if she forsakes her home
when she should be there, and seeks happiness abroad; or, if at home, she never
greets him with a smile; if she is wasteful of his earnings, and extravagant in her
habits, it will be impossible to prevent the effects of such a course of life on his
mind.

And when a wife perceives the slightest evidence of alienated affection in
her husband, she should inquire at once whether she has not given occasion for
it, and exhibited such a spirit as tended inevitably to produce such a result.

– Barnes

1 Corinthians 11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man

We are the GLORY of our husbands. All that we are, do, and say reflects upon them. Think about that for a moment. Forget about making sure he is doing his “job” he has his own glory to reflect. Worry about your own job. How is your husband’s glory looking?

Pr 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
Pr 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Pr 9:13 A foolish woman [is] clamorous: [she is] simple, and knoweth nothing.
Pr 11:22 [As] a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, [so is] a fair woman which is without discretion.
Pr 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Pr 19:13 A foolish son [is] the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife [are] a continual dropping.
Pr 21:9 [It is] better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Pr 21:19 [It is] better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

We have the power to make him ashamed. We have the power to tear down our homes. We can be foolish, clamorous, loud, simple, knowing nothing, and without discretion. Causing our husbands to want to live in a corner of housetop, or in the wilderness, rather than with us.

How many men do you know that do just that to get away from their nagging wife? How many women do you know that are contentious and a continual dropping that you’d love to get away from?

Proverbs 31:10-12 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:26-28 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Or we can be a crown to him. We can build up our homes. We can be a prudent wife from the LORD. A Proverbs 31 Woman. A virtuous woman worth more than rubies. One who has the trust of her husband’s heart. Who will do him good and not evil all her days. One who speaks with wisdom and kindness. Who looks to her own house. One with children that call her blessed. One who’s husband calls her blessed and praises her!

How many men do you know that do that? How many women do you know that are worthy of that?

How can we bring glory to our husbands?

Conversation: What we say about and in front of our husbands counts. Praise him to your friends. Don’t put him down and reveal his faults. Don’t slander him, even if it is true. Do and say things that build him up instead of tearing him down and putting a wedge between the two of you. Make your commitment to him and the marriage covenant obvious.

Organize: Your home, your time, your life. When you are organized about your home, meals, and lifestyle you waste less time in accomplishing goals. Spend your time wisely. Are you doing things that glorify your husband? Do they take time away from him? How does he feel about them? As you fulfill your responsibilities your husband is free to fill his. Give yourself the time and ability to save some energy just for him. Pray for him. Encourage him. Put him first! Yes, over your children, extended family, work, Ladies Bible Study and other obligations. Make your commitment to him and the marriage covenant obvious.

Discretion: When your husband sins, again don’t take it to your friends, tell him privately. In a submissive and gentle way. Don’t hold on to it only to pull it out again later and bash him over the head with it every time you disagree. Don’t air his laundry for all the world. Make your commitment to him and the marriage covenant obvious.

Remember just as God is glorified when man obeys Him, out  husbands are glorified when we obey them…