I like our dog. I really like our dog. He is a part of the family, but he is not a person. He does not hold equal status with a human being.
Here is an interesting article about the differences between kids and pets: Kids Are Not Like Pets
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/01/09/mean.mom.ap/index.html
Meanest Mom on Planet Sells Son’s Car.
I love it! Rules are rules. He only had two: Keep it locked and no booze. No booze means just that. Be it yours or others. You just get the car at Thanksgiving and you can’t even keep the rules for 3 whole months?
When you break the rules you suffer the consequences. If more parents actually stuck to their guns and had a little school of hard knocks training going on maybe the youth of today wouldn’t be such a mess.
Kudos to the parents.
We were going out to dinner the other night and saw a group of young women wearing shirts that said: Love, Luck, Health & Wealth. They were having a bridal shower. Never mind the irony of Health handing Luck a cigarette. It got me to thinking…This is what marriage is about these days? It is no wonder we have a divorce rate as high as we do.
Love? Love is a feeling that is largely dictated by your actions. Lust is what most people these days mean when they say “We’re in Love.” Where is the commitment? To making it work even when you’re having one of those not so loving seasons? It reminds me of someone I knew who vowed “So long as we both shall Love.” When they weren’t feeling it anymore they stopped being married and moved on to the next Love…
Luck? I’ve never liked the word luck because it implies things just happen. I’ve been told so often how lucky I am to have a well behaved child. To have a good husband. So on and so forth on so many things. Yes, I have been blessed by God with a wonderful son and husband. I don’t consider that luck. God was gracious in his providing and plan. But it has also taken WORK. I am blessed with my son for the miracle he is. The good behavior doesn’t just happen. It comes from consistency, from both of us, in teaching good manners. I was blessed with finding a man of good character whom I married and he makes a wonderful husband. Together we work on having a good marriage. Luck is for rolling the dice in board games not in choosing a mate, making a marriage work, or the behavior of a child.
Health? I suppose I can see wishing someone good health, but it is “In Sickness and in Health” that we take a spouse for. We want to be healthy. Which takes work. What we eat and how we spend our time has an effect on our health. Sometimes you learn and bond more through the times of Sickness than of Health. In addition Sickness can often be a way of showing how God works miracles in our lives.
Wealth? I’m sure most of us could use a bit more $ to get by… but Wealth? I’ve seen the rich. I don’t want that. Shelter, food, clothing, are meeting needs. Wealth is something else altogether. But you know, meeting your needs and being good stewards with what you are given is also work and again not just something that happens to you. Getting to a good place financially takes discipline, WORK, perseverance, and denying yourself. You might not like your job, but you have to work to keep the lights on, food on the table, a roof over your head and shoes on your feet. Unless you have a rich relative Wealth is not something that generally just happens.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is things don’t just happen you have to Work to make them Happen. Marriage is NOT something to be entered into lightly thinking things will be all roses and warm fluffy clouds. In Love, Luck, Health & Wealth there are aspects of your own personal work and sacrifice that goes into making it Good.
I’ll leave you with what I always tell any couple that is getting married:
Ralph Waldo Emerson in a journal entry writes:
Love is temporary and ends with marriage. Marriage is the perfection which love aimed at, ignorant of what it sought. Marriage is a good known only to the parties, — a relation of perfect understanding, aid, contentment, possession of themselves and of the world, — which dwarfs love to green fruit.
They never understand it and say, “Haha love ends at marriage.” but to the few who work, and grow, and ripen to the point where they get it they understand that Marriage is so much more and better than mere Love…
I read a lot of magazines. The articles are perfect for short or long waits. Something I can pick up and put down and continue on with my day. Recently I read an article about homeschooling a large family. Ordinarily I would have skipped it as having an only child I glean very little from such articles. I don’t need to know how to keep the baby/toddler/pre-schooler busy while working with the kindergarten/first grader/older children. I have only the one to worry about.
For whatever reason I started reading it and found it quite good. She talked about finding peace as a homeschooling mother, making things work, and being happy and thankful no matter your family size. Whether that be 1 or 10 children. She went on to acknowledge women she knew who have 1 child and would love to have more, but for whatever reason have not been blessed in that way. I thought wow, this is actually good stuff that applies to all homeschoolers.
She then spent the next page and half after that listing all the blessings and advantages of homeschooling and having a larger than usual family. That wouldn’t have been bad had she also included the other side, but she didn’t. So, here are just a few things that come to mind regarding homeschooling as well as family life with an only:
Those are just a few things off the top of my head. I’m not saying having an only child isn’t without its cons, but it does also have its pros. I wouldn’t have made the choice on my own, but since things are what they are I find what peace I can in it. I make it work. I am thankful for having an only child and the advantages and blessings that come with that.
Seems everyone has an idea of how life in general works and is suppose to go. It amazes me the unsolicited advice given by well meaning people. Wither they know what is really going on or not. About subjects that quite frankly are private and none of their business anyway.
When we married young everyone assumed we must be pregnant why else get married? After we’d been married for a few years everyone told us we should be having babies by now. Once we were finally blessed with a child, and he was over a year old, everyone informed us he needed a sibling so he wouldn’t be an Only Child.
I’m still asked today when meeting new people if he is an Only Child. In that tone of voice like it is some sort of curse to be one. Must be because I’ve heard often enough how they had another child or where planning on another so (s)he wouldn’t be an Only Child! Sadder still is the assumption that we must be selfish for making him be an Only Child.
Apparently all Only Children grow up spoiled and socially inept and everyone knows an Only Child who is just like that to prove it. I’m sure we’ve all heard someone dismiss bad behaviour saying, “Oh, (s)he’s an only child.” What about all the children with siblings who are spoiled, shy, sheltered, selfish, etc etc? Where is the, “Oh, he has all those siblings! No wonder he acts like that.” comments then?
Sharing a bedroom/genetics does not guarantee a close relationship. Having siblings does not guarantee a giving and selfless spirit. Having siblings does not guarantee a built in playmate. Having siblings does not guarantee better behavior. It doesn’t even guarantee, although increases the likelihood, of nieces or nephews.
Having siblings only guarantees just that. A brother or sister so long as you both live.
Before you dismiss behavior and character as a result of the number of children in a family consider the parenting and personality of the person and not the number of siblings they have. And before you inform someone that they need to start or grow their family think about all the things you might not know about the situation…
A few links to related articles and resources.
http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/unsolicited-comments-about-your-family-p A funny, if sadly accurate, flow chart of how people assume your life should go.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tcw/2001/marapr/10.66.html An article on Secondary infertility and how the “Is (s)he your Only Child?” question can sting.
http://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/SN01.htm Only Child myths and facts
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/HSBCompanyBlog/227509/ Homeschooling Only One – Common Fallacies
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content2/only.child.html Some interesting statistics regarding the Only Child. .
http://www.onlychild.com/home.html A good resource for parenting an Only
http://www.helium.com/tm/66556/children-centered-selfish-oudated I love the last line in this article.